I.m Not Okay
I.m uncertain of what I must say
To maintain your attention,
But "I.m not okay" just leaves me too open.
We haven.t spoken in days
And not to mention,
I.ve seen Hell
Before you showed me Heaven.
Then you took it away
Not with what you say
But everything you locked away.
Now this feeling is lurking
Deep inside and there's a hole so wide
I think it's causing me to die
But “I.m not okay” is too simple
For my body, a temple
That you burned down.
You turned my smile into a frown
And you took away my laugh.
I thought you were my other half
But now I know we were only meant to last a little while
Which is exactly why I'll refrain from saying those three words.
“I.m not okay” leaves me fragile
And too open and too vague.
And no one ever tells you that to get wiser with age
You have to be “not okay”
And that's the hardest thing to fathom
When you're drowning and can't scream
Because your lungs have become so weak
And you're dragging me under
And under.
.
But you can't even see
You're the anchor on my ankle
And the rope around my neck.
You broke my back with your demands,
And left me paralyzed, and tranquilized
But I.m sitting here still fantasizing
That one day, I'll be fine.
That this day, this “I.m not okay” will turn around
And one day, I'll look down from this cliff you've lifted me upon
And with one last look in your eye,
And with one last smile I can say that I survived
.
“I.m not okay” but I'll be fine
And today, though I may die,
Tomorrow will remember me.
I.m certain that what I must say
Can push you away though it will grab your attention
You might leave but the memory will remain
And no matter how long you stay,
You'll never hear “I.m not okay”
Escape these lips.
.
Because I'll be fine, knowing you're not mine
Or that you've gone. but know
I'll never admit to being defeated
I didn't lose anything but I gained a broken piece
And that piece was another broken part of me,
A shattered piece of mind
From my shadow, left behind.
But those words, “I.m not okay”,
They won't be mine
Because after a little time of another song
I'll be fine, just divine, and I won't feel that longing for you
Or for something real
Because reality didn't deal it fair,
It dealt to who moved on.
So even though “I.m not okay” I'll pick up my next hand
And whether or not it might be grand,
Or if it will bring me down further,
At least I.m certain of what to say,
Of what will maintain your attention
On someone so unimportant as myself.
Because “I.m not okay” leaves me open;
It's so vague about my broken heart.
But if I've been broken from the start,
What's it matter what I say, or how I feel ?
If no one noticed it before,
Is there really anything more to be said ?
Or is this all just in my head ?
“I.m not okay”.
.
There,
I said it.
.
And it's all you need to know,
That the smile on your face,
As you're walking away from me,
It turned my tears to snow as the ice freezes around me.
But I welcome this numbness, this cold that surrounds me
And my heart, and slows my blood flow,
Soothes the pain.
.
And I won't say “I.m not okay” again
Because I.m certain that what I want to say and what I have to say
Are all too different from what you're expecting me to tell you;
From what you're expecting me to feel
But “I.m not okay” doesn't meet your expectation of who I used to be
But who I used to be has always been me
Even if you didn't know it
Now you do.
.
“I.m not okay” are my three words in response to yours.
It's those three words that made me break this way
And I have nothing left to say
Only the single tear down my face
Should let you know we're not the same
But you can't see it still.
.
Or maybe you're not willing to
But that's why you'll never hear me say “I.m not okay”
Because I've been screaming it everyday
From the rooftops you left me standing on
When you refused to dance with me.
Because you said you had no rhythm even though it never mattered
Because the rain would keep the beat
But then when I would sing and asked you to back me up
You only said your voice was plain;
It couldn.t ring as powerful as you wanted or as carefree as mine was.
As it was…
Because I.m still on this rooftop,
My heart not beating, but still broken
So someone tell Motionless In White
That yes, dear, it can even after you're long dead.
Because death is just a state of mind
Not a heart condition.
It's a place of breathing or living
But still depending on your bleeding
And you cut me open.
As open as from saying “I.m not okay”.
.
Which is why I can't leave
Because I.m begging just to see the look on your face
As I.m walking away
Or running, or jumping off this rootop.
.
Saying “I.m not okay” wouldn't grab your attention,
But as I mentioned before,
Now I.m certain, I know just what to say
It's “I am afraid”
.
As I fall.
.
And as I fall, I know I'll be fine,
Even though “I.m not okay” are the only words on my mind
But in time,
All this spinning and rushing will stop
I'll be on my own, I'll be gone.
.
As I mentioned,
I.ve seen Hell
Before you showed me Heaven.
Then you took it away
Not with what you say
But everything you locked away.
“I.m not okay” and then
.
Black.
To maintain your attention,
But "I.m not okay" just leaves me too open.
We haven.t spoken in days
And not to mention,
I.ve seen Hell
Before you showed me Heaven.
Then you took it away
Not with what you say
But everything you locked away.
Now this feeling is lurking
Deep inside and there's a hole so wide
I think it's causing me to die
But “I.m not okay” is too simple
For my body, a temple
That you burned down.
You turned my smile into a frown
And you took away my laugh.
I thought you were my other half
But now I know we were only meant to last a little while
Which is exactly why I'll refrain from saying those three words.
“I.m not okay” leaves me fragile
And too open and too vague.
And no one ever tells you that to get wiser with age
You have to be “not okay”
And that's the hardest thing to fathom
When you're drowning and can't scream
Because your lungs have become so weak
And you're dragging me under
And under.
.
But you can't even see
You're the anchor on my ankle
And the rope around my neck.
You broke my back with your demands,
And left me paralyzed, and tranquilized
But I.m sitting here still fantasizing
That one day, I'll be fine.
That this day, this “I.m not okay” will turn around
And one day, I'll look down from this cliff you've lifted me upon
And with one last look in your eye,
And with one last smile I can say that I survived
.
“I.m not okay” but I'll be fine
And today, though I may die,
Tomorrow will remember me.
I.m certain that what I must say
Can push you away though it will grab your attention
You might leave but the memory will remain
And no matter how long you stay,
You'll never hear “I.m not okay”
Escape these lips.
.
Because I'll be fine, knowing you're not mine
Or that you've gone. but know
I'll never admit to being defeated
I didn't lose anything but I gained a broken piece
And that piece was another broken part of me,
A shattered piece of mind
From my shadow, left behind.
But those words, “I.m not okay”,
They won't be mine
Because after a little time of another song
I'll be fine, just divine, and I won't feel that longing for you
Or for something real
Because reality didn't deal it fair,
It dealt to who moved on.
So even though “I.m not okay” I'll pick up my next hand
And whether or not it might be grand,
Or if it will bring me down further,
At least I.m certain of what to say,
Of what will maintain your attention
On someone so unimportant as myself.
Because “I.m not okay” leaves me open;
It's so vague about my broken heart.
But if I've been broken from the start,
What's it matter what I say, or how I feel ?
If no one noticed it before,
Is there really anything more to be said ?
Or is this all just in my head ?
“I.m not okay”.
.
There,
I said it.
.
And it's all you need to know,
That the smile on your face,
As you're walking away from me,
It turned my tears to snow as the ice freezes around me.
But I welcome this numbness, this cold that surrounds me
And my heart, and slows my blood flow,
Soothes the pain.
.
And I won't say “I.m not okay” again
Because I.m certain that what I want to say and what I have to say
Are all too different from what you're expecting me to tell you;
From what you're expecting me to feel
But “I.m not okay” doesn't meet your expectation of who I used to be
But who I used to be has always been me
Even if you didn't know it
Now you do.
.
“I.m not okay” are my three words in response to yours.
It's those three words that made me break this way
And I have nothing left to say
Only the single tear down my face
Should let you know we're not the same
But you can't see it still.
.
Or maybe you're not willing to
But that's why you'll never hear me say “I.m not okay”
Because I've been screaming it everyday
From the rooftops you left me standing on
When you refused to dance with me.
Because you said you had no rhythm even though it never mattered
Because the rain would keep the beat
But then when I would sing and asked you to back me up
You only said your voice was plain;
It couldn.t ring as powerful as you wanted or as carefree as mine was.
As it was…
Because I.m still on this rooftop,
My heart not beating, but still broken
So someone tell Motionless In White
That yes, dear, it can even after you're long dead.
Because death is just a state of mind
Not a heart condition.
It's a place of breathing or living
But still depending on your bleeding
And you cut me open.
As open as from saying “I.m not okay”.
.
Which is why I can't leave
Because I.m begging just to see the look on your face
As I.m walking away
Or running, or jumping off this rootop.
.
Saying “I.m not okay” wouldn't grab your attention,
But as I mentioned before,
Now I.m certain, I know just what to say
It's “I am afraid”
.
As I fall.
.
And as I fall, I know I'll be fine,
Even though “I.m not okay” are the only words on my mind
But in time,
All this spinning and rushing will stop
I'll be on my own, I'll be gone.
.
As I mentioned,
I.ve seen Hell
Before you showed me Heaven.
Then you took it away
Not with what you say
But everything you locked away.
“I.m not okay” and then
.
Black.